In my youth, I was called to the priesthood; it was a wrong number.
I saw a wreck where watermelons were smashed all over the road. The worst vegetarian roadkill I have ever seen.
Poodles are canine topiaries.
Are “little people” (midgets) human bansais?
There are no eskimos who cannot right a tipped kayak.
On Halloween, conservatives must decide between giving handouts versus giving lectures on personal responsibility.
The mind is a strange thing: sometimes I have a premonition of deja vu.
I didn’t think I could buy half & half at whole foods. Then I did the math.
To make scientific names of plants and animals more accessible to the general public, scientists should switch from Latin to pig-latin. Which name for “red maple” is easier to remember, “Acer rubrum” or “Ed-ray aple-may”?
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish–now he’ll need beer.
If you were married to a doctor, would you eat apples?